In Bible College I had a professor named Dr. Knoffel Staton.  He was a great teacher that students loved, because he was not only spunky and dynamic but in his late 70’s. 

Dr. Staton would flail his arms around, walking to and fro, and intermittently raising his voice as he would get excited about his subject matter.

Occasionally we would get out of his classes early.  He would usually be in mid-sentence, and pause.  Then he would say something to the affect of “You know I think I may have forgotten to take my heart medication this morning, and I don’t have my pills with me, so we’re gonna need to end a little early today.”

As a younger youth pastor, I once walked into my church office while some friends were photocopying different parts of their anatomy parts.  Faces, hands, butts…

I’m really hoping that it was done in that order.  I highly recommend that you use some kind of sanitizer on any photocopy machine before putting your face on the glass.  I wonder what the average number of butt copies per machine is.  I’m guessing it’s a really high number.  Like the number of spiders a person supposedly eats in their sleep.  Of course it probably depends on the number of people working in the office. 

I am guessing that in any given office with 100 or more employees there’s probably an average of at least 37.5 butt copies per year, give or take.  That means that if a copy machine lasts 10 years it has seen almost 400 full moons.  So the next time you use the copier make sure you wash your hands.

I love that we live in a country where we can listen to Christian Radio.  I even enjoy listening to Christian radio, and have a few stations on my presets in the car.  However, I have a small bone to pick. 

Why on God’s green earth are we still hearing songs like “What if Cartoons got saved?”  If you haven’t heard this meaningful classic (sarcasm) please allow me to fill you in.  I will admit when it came out in the early 1990’s it was clever, albeit a little annoying.  It talks about the Flintstones, and smurfs giving praise to God.  At that time it appealed to parents and kids who were watching these shows and could relate in some way. 

If you walked up to a child today and asked him what a smurf was, he would look at you like you were crazy, which brings me to my point.  No one is requesting this song.  So why are we still forced to listen to this between songs that are actually pretty decent?  Is there really not enough quality Christian music out there to replace this one? 

I understand that some songs make it into that “timeless classic” category.  However I hardly believe that this ensemble merits this status.  If you are a program manager and your station is still playing this song, or others like it, please consider updating your play-list.  Thanks, or should I say, ”Yabadabadooia.”

This is the time of year when I always felt a little depressed as a child.  The end of summer.  The end of freedom.  The end of life.  Death.  Well, maybe death is a little over dramatic.  Yet, to replace fun, freedom, no responsibility, and playtime with getting up early, bathing, and going to school it sort of felt like a great loss.  It felt as if there should be a funeral, to say good-bye to summer. 

Beach volleyball and all of summer’s friends would come to pay their respects, and someone would say a eulogy that waxed poetic:

“We are here today to honor the memory of our dear friend summer.  She was here for a short while, and her brief life ended too soon.  She will be missed.  School (the evil step-mother) cannot replace her, for she was grand, and beautiful and we all loved her.”

Then everyone will somberly leave the service with black backpacks and that new shoe smell.  New shoes.  Don’t you know it’s a trick!  Your parents are trying to numb you from the reality that your childhood is being stolen right from under you!

Why cruel world?!?  Why? 

It should have been me!!!

…oh the humanity.

Young Life is a great organization that reaches unchurched kids.  As I have come to love being a part of this ministry my sensitivity towards certain words has grown.  In reaching out to students who are not followers of Jesus (yet), there are a few words that have worked themselves out of my vocabulary, at least in certain situations.

For example in church settings we often use the terms “lost,” or “unsaved,” when referring to people we are trying to reach.  Now the term “lost,” is Biblical and a word Jesus used to describe those he had come to seek and save. 

Unfortunately, we have begun to throw these words out as we are talking to the “lost/unsaved,” and I think this may a little insensitive.  In my opinion that is like a sponsor using words like drunkard or wine-O to describe people he wants to support in an AA meeting.  Perhaps not the best approach.

The following is a list of words and phrases that no one except for church going Christians understand, and even then, sometimes we don’t know what these words actually mean:

Worldly, eschatology, seeking, sacrificial, Pagan, exegetical, brothers & Sisters (in Christ), fellowship, discipleship, walking in the light, the enemy, premarital sex, spiritual warfare, battle cry, hosanna, and holy. 

Also, it seems like every denomination or para-church has acronyms to help make things more difficult for those on the outside looking in.  For example almost every denomination will attempt to shorten their name to make things less confusing.  The Evangelical Lutheran Churches of America are the ELCA, while the Presbyterian Church of the United States of America is PCUSA.  This is all fine and dandy for those who are inside the organization but completely useless to everyone else.

The bigger the group the more acronyms used.  In younglife there is actually a manual to help new staff people understand them all.  Last week someone sent out an all-staff email asking for help, but they used an acronym I didn’t recognize.  I asked another staff person.  They didn’t know what it meant either.  And this is the problem with acronyms that are meant to make things more efficient.  They usually don’t.

So this year, I took it upon myself to make our camp t-shirt to save the area some money.  It was pretty simple really…I used Adobe Photoshop Elements, and scribbled a complete mess, then added some text, and poof, a fabulous looking shirt design.

I was feeling pretty good about our area shirts until I saw someone wearing one, and then I realized there was a huge mistake.  I forgot to use spell check. 

So after being on staff in a church for the last decade, my wife and I went to church last week for the first time as Non-staff.  We visited North Albany Community Church, and it was a pretty amazing experience for us.  We actually sat next to each other. 

I know that sounds weird, but it is actually very common for church staff to spend a vast majority of their time apart from their families during church services.  Think about it, when pastors preach, their spouses sit alone.  And forget about resting on Sundays.  If you’re on staff in a church, you’re there early, and are usually one of the last to leave. 

So right now, the grass looks pretty green as we switch over to the side that lets us sit together and hold hands during church.  Thanks to all of you who faithfully serve in churches.  Thank you to the spouses of church staff, for your sacrifice.  Thank you God for allowing us this season of hand holding in church.