You won’t believe this, but it’s true.  There are parents who do not tell their children there is a Santa.  How pray tell will they know the true meaning of Christmas?  Well you see my friends, these non-conformists are trying to replace Santa with Jesus. 

This is a great unjustice that must be stopped.  I mean think of the ridiculousness of it all.  How will our children learn to live in America if we don’t teach them at an early age that happiness comes from having bigger and better crap than everyone else? 

Even more important, how will our kids learn to trust us unless we tell them, “a fat man dressed in red, rides a sleigh of flying reindeer, and comes squeezes down our chimneys to deliver presents?”  I ask you to consider the ramifications of being honest with your children.

Seriously, who wants to hear about a baby in a manger.  That’s so B.C. (or B.C.E. for the secular reader).  Anyways, what I propose is that we take Jesus out of Christmas altogether.  I mean is there really any room for this little bitty baby?  Is there any room at all?  I think not.  I think the only place for this kind of thing is out in the middle of nowhere…like a shed, or a barn or something. 

I mean this is getting ridiculous people.  You can’t go against Santa, he’s the Big guy.  Come on now, how many people have even heard of this Jesus guy?