Every summer at Washington Family Ranch I get suckered into going on this thing called the Blob. It’s like a giant air worm sitting in a lake. The object is to run off of a high-rise platform, to the back end of the Blob thereby launching another individual off the front end in a catapult-like action.
In order to see someone get sweet air you want a bigger person to be the launcher, and a small person to be the launchee. In order to avoid mometous law suits, our camp has placed a cap on the weight difference allowed between these two individuals. However, there is a loophole in this system.
That is where my own personal hell comes into play. The loophole allows any kid no matter how big, to launch a leader no matter how small. Without fail for the last 5 years, the biggest kid at camp asks me if I will let them Blob me.
If you find yourself in a similar situation please allow me to give you some advice (from personal experience) for surviving an extreme blobbing from high altitudes.
- Pray. Seriously.
- Don’t lean too far forward (this will help you avoid a belly flop).
- Don’t lean too far back (this will help you avoid an enema).
- If you have bubble wrap consider covering any part of your body that you value.
- Make sure you close your legs (I cannot emphasize enough how important this is).
You can see from the picture above the person being blobbed is an amateur and will be in pain for the rest of the week, which brings me to my final point. I have a one-time, end of the week policy, which I recommend to all of you who have a pain tolerance of less than 8/10.
